I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
