I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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