Barsexuality is the new black.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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