You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
