I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
