Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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