I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
