If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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