I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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