what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
