im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
