I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
