so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
