So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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