cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
