please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
