I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
