Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
