I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
