Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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