my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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