my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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