it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Still dying that you shit outside
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
