I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
