remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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