so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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