u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
