I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
