bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize