Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
