He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
