She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
