Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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