And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
