We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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