This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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