hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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