Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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