So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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