i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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