I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
