The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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