Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
