low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
