Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
