Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
17 year olds will be the death of me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
