I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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