She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
