You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
