so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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