you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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