she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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