arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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