he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
