u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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