East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
